Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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