You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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