Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
