If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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