I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
