Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
