that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I need moral support for this bender
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
