You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
