u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
