your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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