1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
