I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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