Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
