so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
