we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
