Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
