There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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