I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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