Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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