It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
