he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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