Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
