I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
