I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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