uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
