wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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