we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
