I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
