? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
