I wish I only lived at night.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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