This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
