i just had sex bonerless
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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