i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
