fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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