shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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