Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
