I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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