i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
