Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
