I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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