she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
