i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
