This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
This toilet bowl is my home.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
