you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
