you turned your livingroom into a bong?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
