Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
