Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
