The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
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