Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
