I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
