My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
