Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
