You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
